Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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