Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
