cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
