I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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