Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
