I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
