I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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