it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
