Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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