you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
