Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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