Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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