I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
