kristin has been a bad kristin
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
