i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found the puke drawer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize