What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
not ubering you a puppy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
