she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
