I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
