I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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