Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize