First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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