so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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