I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
