You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
