just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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