My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
