I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
