This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
