my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You're earring is so big in my mouth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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