the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pray to the hookup gods
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
