If that was your dad, he is hot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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