After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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