you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
