theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize