Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize