Moan for me like Helen Keller
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
