So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
