was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
