Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
