You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
