so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
