Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
