She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
