we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
