my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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