he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
