my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize