he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
