I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
