He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
