also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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