I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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