evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
