so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
