Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have started to decorate penises.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
