Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
