Nicole vs. Life
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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