I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
