my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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