not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
