hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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