I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there is glitter all over my balls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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