i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
