So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
