I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
