K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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