I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
