Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
