sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
