the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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