walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
