I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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