Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
