One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize