Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
