I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so let's talk penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
