Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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