It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
