maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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