Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
