This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
