my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
